June 27, 2011

DING, DONG, the Gays Can Wed!

In case you were busy on Friday night, New York passed a very important bill that night which will now allow folks who aren't straight/hetero to marry in that state.

For many, this is a big deal.

It means that people who live in NYC can marry their partners and now SEEK a partner with good intention to marry that person in about 30 days from now. Now it feels less pointless to date and love someone--because now you can actually marry them and benefit from the hundreds of legal benefits that come with marriage.

Pretty cool, right?!!!

Yeah. Pretty cool. It's been a long road for those folks who live there and so many hours of hard work went into the passing of this bill. Congrats to all those people who worked so hard and here's a high-5 to all those people who have been paying taxes all these years to the state and country DESPITE the fact that your tax dollars haven't been able to buy you a marriage license.

Forgive me for being a bit bitter and low-brow, but when you're sitting on this side of the computer monitor and have to find the bright side of legal legislation that makes hard-working human beings considered "a bit more human" in the eyes of the law...it really brings out my Italian temper.

It's hard to be grateful when these people are dealing with the same reality that I anticipate living here in Massachusetts (and upon getting married myself someday): if we go on vacation to say, Colorado--we are no longer married. If we travel to Florida to "gay it up" at the Keys, we are no longer married.  That's right, the license is legit in your state. NOT across America. It's like Monopoly money only in some ways worse because it really messes with your mind and your heart. It's hard to Savor Your Existence with this daily reality.

My friend and colleague, Robyn Ochs, summed up the status of the country really well in her facebook note on the evening the bill passed:

Things are changing rather quickly, and the US is a very large country with 50 states as well as as the District of Columbia and territories and other colonized places, so it can be difficult to keep up. Here's a quick summary about where we are right now in terms of partner recognition:

STATES WITH FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY (as of 6/24/11): Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, NEW YORK, Vermont. And the District of Columbia. 

STATES WITH CIVIL UNIONS OR COMPREHENSIVE DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPS: California, Delaware, Illinois, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington Hawaii will join seven other states - California, Illinois, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon, Washington. And beginning January 1, 2012: Hawaii too. 


And finally, California is the most complicated of all! It had marriage equality for a few months in 2008 until voters passed Prop 8. As a result, couples married in California (or elsewhere before November 2008) during these few months are recognized as married in California, but same-sex couples cannot marry there at present. A challenge to Prop 8 is going through the courts, and so far things are looking promising.

And of course, nationally, DOMA prohibits recognition of same-sex marriages at the federal level and does not recognize domestic partnerships or civil unions.

Much progress has been made, and much work remains to be done.

I hope that you will join your state's equality organization and get involved in moving us forward. (If you don't know your statewide group, google "EQUALITY" plus the name of your state.)

Never turning back,
With love,

Thank you, Robyn! Robyn is great. Check out her site: http://www.robynochs.com/

Back to my bitterness...

No seriously! I can be bitter about this. It's great. But it's also pretty dang silly that intelligent, REALLY intelligent politicians have to spend this much time debating the topic in 2011.

Maybe it's me. Maybe it's because this is my daily reality. It's hard to watch people (like my own parents) get married and divorced and do it over and over and I still don't have the option to ask someone to marry me and take her away somewhere that it won't be Null and Void.

Hooray, New York! Great to have you on board with us here in Massachusetts. Can someone please talk to Senator Diaz about his crazytown male privilege?!

This guy turned his 2 minute opportunity to talk into 8! 8 minutes! How did he do that exactly? Well, he spent about 4 minutes arguing...
my jaw hit the floor as I watched this...

my favorite quote is from 5:25 "you are taking away my right..."  OH! the IRONY!

Seriously. The last 4 minutes of this video are SNL-worthy.


  1. Dear Dillan, It was amazing this share this moment with you! Very funny and sad at the same time! People actually voted for this man. LESSON: Follow your dreams and YES you can become anything you want even a NEW YORK STATE SENATOR! This video makes me GRATEFUL I am not nor will ever be a politician. Hugs to you Dillan, awesome post. "You trying to succumb-er me" Senator Diaz

  2. What the heck? Apparently he doesn't know what "lay it aside" means! How is he a Senator??


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